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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238406">toxic</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/burninmatches/pseuds/burninmatches'>burninmatches</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, mentions of gaslight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:14:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238406</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/burninmatches/pseuds/burninmatches</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Your boyfriends help you cut a toxic friend from your life</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>toxic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This one hits a bit close to home, guys. Some past relationships I had inspired me with this. Also, I listened to “teddy bear” by melanie martinez while writing this. I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is always welcome :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“_____, that’s gaslighting. She’s gaslighting you.” his voice is deep, his eyes are wide, like he doesn’t believe the scene before him. Well, obviously he believes you: Bucky just doesn’t want to do so. You’ve been struggling with this for quite a while, but in your head you’ve been pretending like everything’s cool just fine - until now.</p><p>Steve looks at you with a sorrowed gaze, his baby blues travelling from you to Bucky. For one of the first times in his really long life, America’s Golden Boy doesn’t really know what to say. You honestly can’t remember what happened this time. You have a strong feeling you were wrong and should apologize, though. The same feeling that chokes you almost every time this happens.</p><p>It felt like you were a deer caught in headlights: you, Steve and Bucky are standing in the of the compound’s kitchen. You’ve been trying to avoid this topic for a long time, but now that they caught you crying (at 3 in the morning, looking for your S. O. S snacks kit) you can’t keep hiding. Hot, fat tears keep streaming down your face and you try your hardest to stop them. You always hated crying in front of people - specially people you care about.</p><p>“She’s…” you sob, trying to breathe “She’s not a bad friend. She’s helped me with a lot, I feel like I’m the bad friend.” The fear paralyzes you, the effect this situation has on you is illogical.</p><p>Bucky’s jaw hits the ground. He feels a mixture of emotions: anger, confusion and… sadness. Your so called best friend hasn’t been the healthiest one lately - and by lately, they mean as long as they remember. It started subtly, almost as if it was a whisper inside your mind. A very insecure, hating and toxic whisper that soon became a hurricane and took over your life.</p><p>“C'mon, _____, she had a jealousy attack last month.” Steve replies, internally annoyed with the bitch who’s been making you feel like that. He still has a hard time believing someone could ever hurt you. There isn’t a single bad bone in your body, yet she hurts you. On purpose - and, for some reason, you can’t see that.</p><p>“Yeah but-” you try to chime in, your mind vigorously looking for a reason to defend her somehow. You want to tell them that she was actually a good person, no bad intentions involved. There’s no way she was hurting you intentionally.</p><p>(Was there?)</p><p>“Doll, please listen to us” Bucky begs, holding your hands. His deep blue eyes are somewhat glassy, his orbs are like a mirror: your pain also affects him. The fact that you’re hurting and they can’t do much about it drives them insane: they’re supposed to protect you.</p><p>“She called you in the middle of the night because she was checking your social media and saw you interacting with other friends” he calmly says.  Steve softly places his hand on your shoulder, while mentioning another situation:</p><p>“Then, she hit on Bucky and made you apologize for feeling bad about it.” His voice is almost a murmur, a low sound you refuse to believe. You reject the flush of memories that starts to flood your brain. That one still stings your heart: when it’s said out loud, it’s almost impossible to believe. The absurdity of the situation slowly becomes evident. You wonder at what point did this friendship blossom with poison and violence.</p><p>“Honey, she even accused you of only wanting to be on the team for money and attention - which is outrageous, by the way. Everyone knows you’re the last person to ever do that” Steve continues. Your eyes meet the ground: you can’t stand looking them in the eyes. You feel ridiculous, like you could have avoided this situation somehow. “And then…” his voice stops when he looks at Bucky. The dark haired man kisses your palm, knowing what is about to be said: the truth. They fear your reaction. Your doe eyes watch them attentively, as if unconsciously know what’s going to happen. A small side of your brain has been trying to tell you this before your boyfriends even suspected what was happening.</p><p>“And then she plays the victim. She says she’ll do anything you want in order to keep your friendship alive. Hell, she even has the audacity to make you feel guilty about being hurt. ” Steve takes a deep breath, and resumes: “That behavior is purely manipulative” he finishes, his gaze waiting for your reaction.</p><p>“Don’t you see, baby? It’s a cycle.” Bucky whispers.</p><p>And then it hits you. It feels like the entire building just dropped on top of your head. Suddenly, your skull feels too heavy and your eyeballs feel like they’re going to burst. A small, confused sound leaves your mouth as your knees nearly give in. A strong metal arm holds your waist, pulling you closer. Your head falls on Bucky’s chest as your eyes close.</p><p>The sounds of your sobs fills the room. You try to murmur that no, this can’t be possible. Your voice gets stuck in your throat, refusing to be said out loud. The pain that wound  your chest makes you want to scream. You continue to weep on his shoulder as Steve slowly, gently places kisses on your head. He can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to realize you’ve been gaslighted by someone you were supposed to trust unconditionally.  </p><p>“It’s not your fault” Bucky sweetly mumbles softly. He assumes what’s going on inside your mind: you’re blaming yourself for whatever reason, feeling like you could have avoided this. You stay quiet, eyes remaining closed. Steve hugs you from behind, wrapping you in a blanket of comfort.</p><p>That night, you sleep cuddling them. Soft snores are all that can be heard in Bucky’s bedroom. Your peaceful state is their most gracious reward. Making you feel safe is all they want.</p>
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